well the big revamp that I had in mind didn't happen today. I got up early, had a shower early, bummed around, decided I might try to clean my room up and then went into town to meet Tom for his lunch break. I was in town for around four hours.

 

It was crazy over at Big W. Their massive toy sale started today. I really do think it is Australia's biggest toy sale, especially with a 124 page catalogue. The line from layby was up to near the front of the store, going all the way up the back wall and then down the side wall. It was crazy. I definately would not wait two hours to put a layby on. Although, there are some pretty good specials...but no I don't think I would. There was like ten people in laybe, three serving and the rest packing and moving things out of the way. It would have been such a crazy day. I'd hate to work there. Actually I'd probably like it because even though it's hectic I'd think it would be fun. I am a mad rush kind of person.

 

I bought a corset today from Bras N Things. I think it's going to be the start of a very long loving relationship. I'm so going to buy heaps when I have lots of money. That and shoes, which I also bought today. I spent over $50 today, and that was meant to be the money to pay for my tickets for Snow Patrol. Oh well, I'll just have to get more money out.

 

I've downloaded around five or so music clips today. I don't know how my internet is coping. Obviously I have more left than I thought, although it's a bit slow while downloading. And the stupid thing, I downloaded one and it comes up with that stupid prerecorded message of bill cliton going "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" god I was ready to throw the computer out the window. I'm not wasting good downloading time on that crap! It should be taken off frostwire. No one wants to listen to that shit.

 

I just realised that Fall Out Boy do really weird film clips. They're cool, but different, and way too much talking in some of them. Like you just want to chop the first 30 seconds off. In "a little less sixteen candles a little more touch me" Pete Wentz is a vampire. Yes, weird. Haha I put the video for "grand theft autumn" on my Bebo and wrote a little thing to all the teeny bopper "fans" because all of them have only heard Infinity on High, like all the 13 year old kids haven't heard the old stuff. I'm not saying that I'm a die hard fan, but I've heard most of the old stuff, and I like it all and I've been around since the last album came out, which is From Under the Cork Tree. I'm definately not a teeny bopper kid who just likes them cause they think Pete Wentz is hot. I like them cause of their music, all of their music.

 

White is the new black. Well in nail polish, and not really. I'll still paint my nails black when I can, but white is the colour of the moment. Not pretty French manicure white, liquid paper white. It's damn hot, I love it.

 

Well off to download more, chat on MSN, and maybe clean my room up...maybe

heck yes I am going to redo this space and make it just as awesome as it was in it's day :)

 

Haha it's a big task really, considering it's going to take up heaps of my net usage for this month. Let's see if I can remember how to get around this page. I think I like the layout, so it might stay, and there's half the hard part gone. I'm going to check out the photos on here. I'm sure I've got heaps newer ones, a lot of those old ones from school last year can go. I'll update with an album of my selfies, a hanging out album, an edits album, a me and Tom album and I'll probably keep the pictures on here cause I like them. I don't know, I think most of them are erotic art so they can all stay definately. Come to think about it, I haven't been on that site for ages. There's bound to be like ten new pictures that I haven't seen yet. Will go check it out soon.

 

I don't know when this revamp will happen. I'm at Tom's at the moment, working this afternoon and all day tomorrow. Probably Thursday, I don't work at all on Thursday. I'll look through all the links I've got on here as well and see who still uses their space and who's been deleted and all that stuff. It's been so long.

 

This revamp might take a while...

So that list that I wrote the other day about the things that I've been doing since I last updated should be longer, because I realised that it's been longer than I thought since I last updated. Since the 10th of December! That's like six months ago, more even. I've totally neglected this space, but then again I think everyone has because it just wasn't the same after it changed and it was a lot slower. Everyone I know has moved on to Bebo and MySpace, and even Tagged, which is totally crappy. I have one but I hate it and couldn't be bothered to delete it.

 

Additions to the list:

turned 18, had a party, Christmas, Gold Coast trip on which way too many awesome things happened, strip clubs in Surfers, adult shops, YMCA at roadworks, life without school, starting TAFE, boring classes, um I think that might be it now. Nothing else really significant has happened, I don't think. If I remember than I'll put it on here as well.

 

It's so cold right now. It's horrible. I know that it's way colder in other places, like where it snows, but I'm not used to the cold and I hate it. I'm finding it hard to type because my hands are so cold, but it's not too bad now. The sun is out today, which is a miracle. Actually it came back yesterday. I woke up and went "the sun is out!" but I couldn't see it all day because I was at work. So now the sun is out and things are looking good. Hopefully no more rain, even though we really need it, I'm just sick of it raining all the time. It was looking a bit cloudy this morning, but I bet that's only because I wanted to do washing, but it's looking pretty clear out there now.

 

It was July 1 yesterday. Tax time. Oh tax time sucks. I hate it. Last year I had to pay tax, because the government is stupid. I paid more tax than anyone I know, and I earnt less and got youth allowance payments! It's like for anyone that's poor enough to get endorsements they have to pay more tax. Is it just me or is that a little unfair? I think it's totally unfair. This year, I've earnt heaps more than last year and I also stopped getting youth allowance, but the youth allowance that I paid had tax taken out of it. So I'm really hoping that I'll get some money back this year. I've paid nearly $900 tax on my work money, and I'm not sure how much on youth allowance but I didn't get that much from there anyway. Mum had a quick look at it and said that I should get some money back. She doesn't really know though, she hasn't done a tax return in years because she doesn't work, she just gets government money, and not enough to have to pay tax on it. It'll be a little while until I find out how much tax I get back, the operative word being "get back" as I really hope I don't have to pay tax. Someone will be hearing about it if I do have to pay tax. I'm not going to be happy, that's for sure. I want money back, I'm sick of being rauted by the system.

 

A blast from the past occured yesterday, I think. Someone named Carly rang and asked for Mum. After talking a while with her Mum decided that it was Carly's mum pretending to be Carly, because that's who it sounded like. Carly is my half sister, one that we have absolutely nothing to do with. The story is a very long one and I don't care to go back to it. It was weird having her ring. Apparently she's living in Iluka and going to visit the Ryans sometime this school holidays. I don't know why she had to tell us that. Mum was sitting there telling me all this while Big Brother was on, and I was more interested in Big Brother. That's saying something, because I hate Big Brother. I don't care if she's here, or if she sees him, or if she wants to come visit. It's nothing against her, I'm sure she's a fine person and has grown up from her spoilt brat stage, I just don't need to have anything to do with her. I don't feel like I'm related to her. I don't feel like I'm related to any of them because Bek and I are so much better than they are. For starters we haven't abandoned anyone or anything like that. We're completely different people. I'm fine with feeling unwanted, I got over that a long time ago. I don't know why she feels that we would want to see her. Not to be rude but I don't want to see her. It's just annoying that I have to think about all this again, and I'll write more about it on my Bebo author page when I feel like it today. And then I won't be thinking about it, or her again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...yes updating regularly i think now...back addicted to it...well i'm still getting comments ~ which is AWESOME...keep them coming :)

 

well yes...i have to keep remembering how different this is to bebo...but this is my blog and because my friends don't really check it anymore {i don't think any of my friends have kept with their msn spaces after finding bebo and the changes here} i can write pretty much anything i want. bebo is kind of just like a networking page, where you can write blogs if you want to write anything meaningful...it's more interactive with the friends and comment layout...very different..so i've got two {well three} completely different blogs for different purposes. bebo is networking and this one i use to write, reflect, take time out and the rest...

 

the last few weeks have been strange...what with hsc exams and all. i'm sleeping and waking up at weird times and working on days i'm not meant to be working on and only spending hours at a time at school and sitting down alot. the only thing that is constant in this crazy exam timetable is my singing lesson at 3:30 every thursday afternoon...and working 12 hours a week...but those 12 hours change and lately its been more like 15 hours...which is good for the bank, not so good for the studying. speaking of studying, not really doing much of it. the hsc has been like the biggest anti-climax ever...it's like all this talking up meant nothing and we're here going "well this is a little boring, a little over-exaggerated" and i'm just a little over it now. but it finishes tomorrow and we're celebrating :)

 

things have happened over the last couple of weeks on the relationship front...girlfriends fights...yea lots of stuff has happened ~ couldn't be bothered to go into details though. got me thinking though: am i a bad person for wanting more than one person at once? does that really make me one of those horrible people? it isn't really a new concept for me, liking and wanting more than one person, but people i know don't really like it...i mean you know, i don't ever want to hurt anyone but i'm not really sure i'm just a one person person, and being bisexual the relationships are different between me being with my boyfriend and being with another girl. maybe it does make me a bad person, and if it does then i will just deal with it.

 

at singing today i realised that the mirror there is a great mirror for staring at oneself while knowing all the words to the song. people tell me i'm getting skinnier. i know i am, i don't need to be told. the only proof i had was the scales but now i think i do look skinnier. i mean, i'm not trying and someone is going to read this and call me anorexic and blah blah blah but i'm not trying. maybe i do want to look better but i'm eating and the rest and i'm not purposely loosing weight. i guess the whole exam screwed up body clock doesn't really help it but oh well...maybe i'll go back to being underweight were i was before.

 

the music scene has changed lately :P i'm into punk and a little emo...favourite bands at the moment ~ fall out boy, panic at the disco, amber pacific, snow patrol and yea... i think that's it ~ ooh i love the saints are coming by u2 :) it's very awesome

 

well well will update soon :)

So...it's been over a month since i last updated and i'm still getting comments :) which is cool

alot has been happening...doing the hsc got four exams left. i'm over it, i don't want to study anymore but of course i actually still am studying. i've had both english exams and maths so far. tomorrow i've got maths extension and it's going to be even harder than what maths was :( not cool. i can't wait til the exams are over...just going to be one massive party :) but still got four more exams before that happens :( and then there will be the grad ~ ooh can't wait :) very exciting stuff here.

at the moment it's dark and looking like it's going to storm ~ that's also exciting stuff :)

mmm been very concerned with bebo :) if you come here and don't have a bebo you should get one. it's awesome, much better than here in my opinion. well it's different so not really comparable. but go visit mine http://sex-kitten-88.bebo.com and join and leave me comments :) i also have my space now but my myspace is crappy cause i don' t know how to use it {yet}...made lots of new friends on bebo :) it's very fun...you should get one and be my friend, my bebo is hot :) and way more photos on there

ooh ooh new music ~ got lots...i love panic! at the disco and fall out boy and amber pacific and snow patrol {the greys anatomy video was sad and i didn't even watch the show} and i like a bit of wolfmother too :) very cool stuff there

yea not much else to say really...exams are going crap...that's all that's been happening and i'm so over it...but got comments on here still which is cool...seeing as i don't use it anymore :P

 

oh yea message to the sarah girl:

i commented on my blog under your comment so if you come back yea...read it and add me

 

i'm outies again...will update in about another month or so

Ok so all my exams are finished. I did good in Bio and Math, crap in everything else. Actually I think I did alright in English but let's not go there. Now I just have to wait for the HSC to be over and then there will be real reason to party. I'm so glad I finished today, the exams go til Thursday, I'm so tired and just so over studying at the moment. It will be good to have a couple of days off.

 

Oh well. I've decided to use my Bebo space more often now. Ever since the transition to Windows Live these spaces have been crap, and everyone agrees with me. They take too long to load and the layout is just wrong. Bebo is so much quicker and so much more fun. So go check it out - sex-kitten-88.bebo.com

 

I'll come back on here and update sometimes but there just isn't the same amount of people on here. I know the slowness isn't because of my internet because it still takes forever to load. While I like my MSN space, it's just not the same.

Well when some dickhead sat and used up half the downloads for this month I still thought that there would be a considerable amount of downloads left - I was so wrong. I've spent the better part of this half of the month abstaining fro internet usage because it got so slow that it was almost going back wards. It was horrible. I used it every now and then but it got to the point where loading hotmail took forever and I didn't have any hope of getting here cause this page takes forever and a day to load even with broadband 512k internet. I used it at school and pretty much the only thing I could do was check my email and occasionally go to bebo. My bebo space thing is flourishing. It's so funny, got these stupid little fourteen year old girls trying to go off at me. It's hilarious and I love it, it's fun. Yea so anyway, with westnet the internet was 1gb $40 a month. We've changed now to internode which is 8gb $40 a month. We set it all up yesterday but I haven't figured out how to change my email address over for msn. I've done it before, when msn was actually msn, but now that it's windows live everything has changed. I've been to every help page there is and they all  tell me to go to this site and sign in to change - but it won't let me sign in. It keeps telling me that my email address and/or password is incorrect, which neither of them are. I'm not changing and setting up a whole new account cause then I'd lose this space and I don't want to do that. It's so gay though, I spent an hour yesterday trying to figure it out and I've sent emails to msn customer support but they haven't written back yet. I hate this windows live, everything about it is just gay.

 

Anyway...this not having internet has kind of been good - I've kind of started studying. I've got trials starting Tuesday and I should have been studying long before now. But I'll get it all done.

 

We were talking about studying in class the other day, comparing studying throughout the year and cramming right before an exam. I think that if you study for the whole year than you kind of get to the exam and you're pretty confident that you know it all. Where as if you don't study, then there comes a point where you go "oh shit...trials/assessments/hsc in however many weeks" and you really start studying. I call this panic studying and I think it works. Well it works for me. I've never been bothered to study for any great lengths of time, I'll start and I'll get bored. I've started in the last week or so and it's happening - I'll probably remember more than if I studied throughout the whole year. I think though I've stuffed up with my trials, had assessments and we haven't even finished the bio course yet. I'll have plenty of time to study for the hsc though...I'll get all the basic study done for the trials then for the hsc I'll practise questions and answers and creative writings for english...Speaking of creative writings I did a good one :) when I get it back on my computer I'll post it either on this space or my other one.

 

Well I'm off to start studying...then go to work :( Oh well, work is money, and it's time when I'd probably be bored and sick of studying.

 

Got a new friend too - her name is Alyona and she's Russian. She is awesome - I love her :)

 

 

 

 

Ok so...chatting to a friend on msn last night she was telling me how bad she thought these new spaces are. I also got a comment from some random guy also saying how bad he thinks these spaces are. The complaints are the same - slow loads, they look bad, colours/layout is wrong now. for instance my space went from fitting exactly in my browser screen to now i have to scroll across to get to half my space. I'm not liking it at all...

These spaces are crappy. They so should have stayed the way they were. My space never took this long to load when it was MSN Spaces...now that its Windows Live Spaces...takes forever and a day to load. And it's not my internet either.

 

So I want to know how many people don't like these new spaces. Although even if we all complained they probably wouldn't change them back, though I (and alot of other people) really wish they would.

So today i went to school with a little bit of a cold, a little bit of what my boyfriend had - cough, sore throat, that kind of thing. By two in the afternoon i was in hospital with breathing problems and a massive rash. Somehow i'd had an allergic reaction to something i probably wouldn't normally have a reaction to. So at recess i was feeling alright, you know, could have been better, probably should have stayed at home. In biology i got all hot, had a coughing fit and couldn't breath properly. I went and took my ventolin (i have asthma) and it kinda settled it down but i still couldn't breath very well. By lunch i was reasonable, i could breath, i was all red though and really hot. In my free lesson i went to the toilet and realised that my stomach was itchy - i had a massive rash all over me. So tom took me up to sick bay and mum took me to the hospital. They said that because i was already sick (i have inflammed tonsils and like a cold) that it could have been anything...so yea, called in sick for work and took pills and i've got more pills to take. I'm feeling a lot better and i'm back to normal colouring now thats good. I'll probably go to work tomorrow...see how i'm feeling.

so i'm back at school, and so far it's been ok. but i'm really kinda over it now. i don't want to be there at this particular time, i just don't really want to be anywhere. i have to stay at school cause i wouldn't know what to do with myself if i wasn't there. i would have my future that i want, which i'm not even so sure if i want it anymore. the only thing that is like the same at the moment is the fact that i still love tom, that hasn't changed. my friends have, i've lost friends. and it's all over that text message that i didn't send. maybe if someone bothered to trace the number, they would realise that it wasn't me, and things could go back to kind of being like they were. it's like the only people who know i didn't send it are my friends, because they know me and know i would never say a thing like that, and tom obviously knows i didn't do it because we were preoccupied at the time that they were sent. i'm so fucking over everything. people look at me differently. jonothan has the nerve to give me pity stares, maybe they're guilt stares cause he fucked up and i copped the heat for it. either way, i don't want him looking at me. i don't want to be at school with these people. people that don't believe me, people that hate me, people that say things about me. i know the people at school are talking, most of them just have enough manners to do it when i'm not there. i'm over doing school work cause i'm doing shit at it. i don't want my maths test back because i know i failed. i did good in my chem, well considering i had to get an extension and even after that i couldn't concentrate on it, and the fact that i actually had no results when i handed it in. and i just don't feel right, i feel off, i feel sick, i just feel plain wrong. dodge is gunna tell me its hormones and teenage stress but it's not hormones, but it's teenage stress plus a hell of a lot more. and it sucks. i want the people who hurt me to feel my pain, what i went through just to even keep myself at home. that day i cried all afternoon, then i went to my sister's birthday dinner, got ignored and went home and cried again. it's ridiculous how they made me feel and i couldn't let it not get to me. this is real, this isn't being exaggerated. i don't want to be anywhere, i don't want to talk about it, i only want to think about it and that doesn't get anything done about it. i want to at least know whether they bothered to prove it, but i'm too scared to ask cause it will bring it all back up again. they owe me an apology if they ever bother to find out that i didn't do it. i don't even want to really remember it, i just think about it. it's the main thing in my head, when i see them, when i'm alone, when it's quite, when i'm sleeping, it's the only thing there. and it sucks shit. i hate him for doing this. and i hate them for making me feel like this, and i hate my mother for not believing me - the only people i don't hate are my friends...i'm gunna go to bed now, and try not to think about it some more

 

 

 

 

 

 

oh i wish i was a punk rocker

with flowers in my hair

in 77 and 69 revolution was in the air

i was born too late

into a world that doesn't care

oh i wish i was a punk rocker

with flowers in my hair

 

when the head of state didn't play guitar

not everybody drove a car

when music really mattered

and when radio was king

when accounts didn't have control

and the media couldn't buy your soul

when computers were still scary

and we didnt' know everything

 

chorus

 

when popstars still remained a myth

and ignorance could still be bliss

and when god saved the queen

she turned a whiter shade of pale

my mum and dad were in their teens

and anarchy was still a dream

and the only way to stay in touch

was a letter and the mail

 

chorus

 

when record shops were still on top

and vinyl was all that they stocked

and the super info highway

was still drifting out in space

when kids were wearing hand-me-downs

and playing games meant kick around

and footballers still had long hair

and dirt across their face

 

chorus