well thats exactly what i'm doing - its cosmo's 'write about your sex life and win $10 000' competition...and i'm only 16 so i can't legally enter but i'm putting it in mum's name.

i'm a good writer...but i don't know if i'll win, i mean $10 000 would be very nice, though all i can do is try...its good cause you can enter more than once which i'll probably do cause i have so many ideas...

i want you all to hope for me (i won't say pray cause i don't like religion) and if i win i'll be very very happy...

thanks guys mwa*

i've decided that i need general opinion on my stories...so i'm going to post a little bit every now and then and i want anyone who reads this - and i mean everyone - to leave a comment and tell me what you think. i know what my friends think...but only a couple of people have read them...i've decided i'm not going to be so protective about them anymore - i can take the complaints, but i hope you don't have any!!!

 

so here is a bit of this one - its called 'extract from anorexia's diary' and i warn you now - its a bit full on but i don't care if you don't like it...i just want to know what the majority of people think. enjoy...

 

 

I wanted to eat. I didn’t want to do what They wanted me to do but I couldn’t get rid of them. They were just as much a part of me as my ever consuming hunger. They both would try to take me over, tugging me in two directions, tearing me in half. They would always win. My hunger was continuously pushed aside, unable to be heard. It desperately wanted to be heard but I wasn’t allowed to listen. I listened once.

            I have to keep Them happy. I want Them to go away, but They won’t listen to me. I’m not loud enough, not able to make myself heard above Them. They over rule me. I hate Them, just as I hate myself. There are sometimes when I want to die, to kill myself, because maybe They will die with me. I pray to whatever god there is that will listen to me, I pray for these demons to leave me be, so that I may be able to do what I want to do and not have to do what They say. I have no power over Them anymore. I used to be able to control Them, to drown Them out, but not now. Poor little Charlotte has no soul now, just a body. A fat, ugly body. I can’t stop Them taking over me, I gave up trying. No one understands me anymore, or should I say no one understands Them, what They make me do and what They make me say. We are completely alone.

So I sat there, staring at my dinner, with nobody paying any attention to me, my food or Them. I don’t even think they care anymore. They don’t talk to me and if they do it’s always telling me off for something. I hate it here but I can’t leave, They won’t let me, They make me stay. They control me, but not all the time.

            I suddenly felt free of Them and ate. I ate as much as I could without needing to throw up, without getting indigestion and without drawing too much attention to myself. I finished my dinner first and excused myself from the dining room. I walked down the stairs then down the hall feeling fat and bloated. I felt sick and I had the hiccups, but I couldn’t let myself be sick again. It was disgusting, but They always make me do it.

            They came flooding back quicker than They left, making me run for my ensuite to throw it all up, as if it was that I never ate at all. No one can hear me down here, I’m left to throw up in peace. Memories of my first time rush into my head, as they always do, as I crouch over the toilet bowl, crying from the stinging in the back of my throat. It hurts and you can’t get used to the pain but I do it because They tell me to and I can’t argue. I still feel bloated, and a little fat but mostly tired.

 

 

there is a lot more...and i prob will post it here at a later date...and if you find that you don't like it you can tell me, but i advise you just not to read it...

 

 

 

 

well at the moment i'm writing two stories. one's about a chick that has anorexia and the other is about a lesbian. these are my major ones. if i can get around to finishing them they'll be the ones that earn me lots of money. the first one is really depressing, but the second one (which is my favourite) has a happy start, i plan it to get sad cause every story needs a complication. i know whats gunna happen - theres gunna be a guy, which should throw a spanner in the works cause she's a lesbian...anyway, i have to finish them. all my friends say they're good, which is good i guess. everyone got freaked out a bit by the anorexia one, they were all like 'are you ok kat...', it was really funny in a way.

you's will all have to read them one day