well school went back today. it wasn't exactly a good day. i was always sure that i was going back today, but it was like the rest of the term depended on today. i don't know if i want to stay there after all this. i'm in like a state of limbo - i'm waiting for them to call me to the office so that i can point out that i have a right to be in class, for them to either tell me that they've actually proved that i did what everyone thinks i did, or for them to tell me that they've finally got around to proving it and now they now it wasn't me, which i knew all along. i want them to tell me that now they know it wasn't me so that i can yell at them for making my last couple of weeks hell, to make them know how wrong they were and to make them apologise for making my mother think that i'm the worst person in the world, for ruining my sister's birthday and for making me suffer through being ignored, hated, nearly kicked out of home and harassed via text messages and msn. i still don't know who started texting me on saturday night or how they got my number and i'll guess i'll never find out. i'm waiting for sam to say something to me so i can yell at him, or for camille to do the same thing, or someone. just so i can have the satisfaction of expressing how i feel onto someone else other than myself. i want someone to honestly know how i feel, though it's not like they actually care. tom's cousin was extremely rude when discussing my inner-school suspension with tom when he told her that i was sitting right next to him. i don't like her, she's a bitch cause i'm not like her. my friend alex said yesterday not to worry too much about this because there is life after school - well at the moment school is life and i don't want it to be crap like it is at the moment. and if school stays crap then that screws up the hsc cause i'm not concentrating, which means i won't get the future that i want. i don't want to be a woolies check out chick for the rest of my life. i don't know if i want to be at school anymore though, i had crappy concentration today, plus i've missed a whole heap of work from last week last term, and when they talk about assessments, trials and the hsc i feel sick. now i honestly don't know what's going to happen. it was all planned out before - do my best, get my hsc, go to uni and do psych - well i'm not so sure that's my main possibility now. i don't know how everyone feels about what i'm supposed to have done but from being at school today i think the majority of people don't really care but i care that no one knows that i didn't do anything. i stopped caring about what people think, but it's what people say that hurts me, even though that's the same thing. i tried to let them know that they weren't hurting me but really they are. i want him to know that i cut myself over this but i don't know if he'll care, sam certainly tried to throw it back in my face - he's been such an asshole lately, honestly i thought he had more time on his hands than to harass me every time he signed into msn, but i guess some people are like that. i don't think about this every waking moment - i have a life, and i spent the majority of the holidays happy, until lame people like sam drag it all back up and make me go through it all again. i want those people to disappear and just leave me alone - i'm kind of over it now, but they're not and it's really got nothing to do with them.

 

so we'll see in the next couple of days how school goes...

 

 

hmm ~ not many good things are happening lately...tom's been sick, i've fainted and today i had a maths test. i don't think i went too bad. it was the 2unit test...so we haven't done all that stuff for ages...i can remember half the stuff for the extension test next week but that's irrelevent at the moment. we had a cramming session the lesson before the test cause me and tom and alex had a free so that was alright. it was easy, but in case i went really bad i told them that i fainted yesterday. so if i go really bad then they will take that into account and estimate my mark ~ i guess, i think that is what they do. and i have like a billion other assessments due in soon. i just did my chem prac method proposal to be handed in tomorrow, for the prac next tuesday, which has a report that is due in on the last day of school. my bio one is the only assessment that i had started before today ~ and i have to say an english speech next tuesday...i haven't started, i don't know what to do...i don't even have the sheet for it ~ i am so screwed. i hate this whole assessments thing, all the teachers say they are going to space them out, but i've got five in these three weeks. thats everything except religion. which is really really gay. its like four in two weeks, then the chem report is due in on the last day. i hate this...if i ever land a job at the board of studies i am going to get this assessments/hsc external exam thing thrown out ~ its too stressful (for people like me...who do all the hard subjects)

well my hsc isn't until this time next year but i've picked my performance already...

 

 

 

my exams start tomorrow.... first up with maths and english, maths i'm ok with, english i'm kind of ok with. its all othello but we did alot on it. i went through all my notes on it today and was amazed at how much we had done. anyway, it should all go fine tomorrow.

mum is taking my sis to sydney for athletics tomorrow, so i can't even stay here and study. i'm going to my boys, which is cool, i just don't want to be tired for friday, cause then i have a chem exam...which i am not looking forward to. he said he'd keep away from me while i was studying, which is good i guess. i won't need to do much though, i'll try to do most of it this afternoon...

i have an exam free monday, which is good - three day weekend - spent studying...well at least i'll be ready for my maths extension exam (hopefully)

well better go study now i guess...i just don't want to overdo it cause if i do i won't remember anything...

man i hate exams so much, they haven't even started and i'm sick of them already. they start on thursday - with maths and english first up, as per usual. i hate it, they're so gay. i've studied for less then 3 hours, i've done three chapters out of my maths text book, and i can't concentrate already . i'm never gunna pass if i can't concentrate, lucky my exams are only 1.5-2 hours long.

i'm really tired today  which is probably why i can't study properly. i was really tired yesterday from travelling, and the alarm didn't go off this morning, so i was tired cause i over slept , and i had my job interview this afternoon straight after school. so i think i've tried to pack too much into today. i should also be studying chemistry, cause its on friday, but i think i will do more of that tomorrow afternoon, cause i did the biggest chunk of maths today.

i hate exams so much, if i could i would ban all exams (then everyone would love me). and on top of all the studying, we still have homework!!!  i am not a nerd  - i have a social life...

i will be so glad when these stupid bloody exams are over  i am so stressed and so confused with the amount of school work floating around my head...and i honestly just couldn't be bothered right now.

i blame my boy for this, if i didn't have to go to dubbo for his mum's party then i could have studied all weekend, well i wouldn't have anyway, and i had heaps of fun at dubbo...and i still love my boy!!!

i keep studying tomorrow, i think, hopefully i won't have to stay back after school...

bye for now

well the disco was last night - and i don't care what anyone says about it, i had fun...it was awesome. i danced continuously and i wasn't even all that tired this morning...

the music wasn't all crash hot, but it had a beat so i danced to it. it was annoying though, they kept turning the lights on. a couple of people from another school got in and they got kicked out. the cops even made an appearance! being only a highschool, most people aren't legally allowed to drink...but they did, as always. there was a bottle cap in the boys(?) toilets and apparently it reeked. apparently a yr9 girl (and a teachers daughter!) was taken to hospital to have her stomach pumped! and these two yr10 girls got into a fight (when the lights were on cause the cops were there or some other reason) and were both apparently drunk (and i tell you one of them must have been to wear what she was wearing!) and are now both suspended. and these two yr8 girls (sluts) hooked up, which i don't totally condone but they're but ugly and fat and just gross.

and people says our discos are boring! honestly, those people are stupid...

sometimes i hate homework - i have like a tonne of chemistry homework, i have to write out all these practicals...its so annoying and my hand is so sore...i've written out three and have five more to do. it was due in last friday but she let me have til tomorrow so i kind of have to do it. it probably didn't help that i bummed around for an hour when i got home, i could probably have more of them done...and i can't do it tomorrow cause of the disco, and i have to get ready...and i'm going to my boys cause we're 17months tomorrow, and as he puts it 'we have to have anniversary sex' - lol, he says that every month...oh well i don't really mind, although it doesn't really make it a special occasion.

 

anywhow, thats like all i've done all afternoon...

can't wait til the disco tomorrow, its going to be so much fun. i don't care if people say our discos aren't fun, its only as fun as you make it, and i want to have fun. i'm obviously not going to have as much fun as i'd like, but hey, you can't have everything...although i wish i could

well today was the 'young drivers expo' - day off school...it was fun...i learnt a couple of things, i now know about insurance...for when i actually do get a car...

 

anyways - LEAHS BACK FROM EUROPE - reunions galore, well there was 7 of them that left. i think they got back yesterday and came to school today...we all got presents off leah - i have a red corset handbag from PARIS, i love it, its so cute...i love leah to peices for buying it for me!!!

 

anyways, not much happened today - it was my brothers birthday and he turned 7. he got a car racing track so we all had to play with him...it was fun to begin with but not after half an hour or so...anyways, we all survived it.

 

well i guess i better go now - its not that i have homework or anything, i just don't really have much else to write

well i went back to school - appointment was cancelled.

school actually wasn't all that bad...tom didn't go though but that doesn't matter. i had double chemistry, which wasn't too bad...then maths then biology...

anyways...not much else to say...just that i didn't stay at home all day - i wasn't a lazy bum, unlike tom.

oh well, not much homework today, which is amazing...

i guess today was pretty boring...

i have a dumb religion essay to write in class tomorrow, it is the gayest assignment i've ever had to do...

and its not as if we can just write an essay with the info we have, no we have to sit in class like its a bloody exam and just write as much as we can remember, which in my case, isn't going to be alot.

i just don't want to be there right now, i'm too kind of not exactly depressed to be there...it annoys me and i get frustrated that i can't do things. like my friend was complaining because she missed a line in a 5mark question in the last maths test we had, and she lost 1 1/2 marks...i couldn't concentrate on the goddamn question and got 1 mark out of 5...i don't see what she's complaining about...at least she remembered how to do the stupid thing. i just feel so dumb...i just can't be bothered putting any effort in, especially in religion - its not even a real subject, besides i thought year11 was elective subjects...i didn't choose to do religion...the gay thing about being at a catholic school...i hate it so much